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And if his interest in you is limited from the start, then things can only go so far. Communicate with the fellow as clearly and directly as possible to find out what he’s looking for in a relationship: “So, what are you looking for in a relationship? ” Your senses are on high alert, and you just can’t wait to pounce. Here was the lion, with its advanced hunting software doing what it’s been doing for eons… Now he has to rethink the whole situation, perhaps totally losing interest in this particular gazelle.

” Imagine you’re a lion on the African savanna, stalking a gazelle. Then, suddenly, the gazelle sees you from the corner of its eye, turns around, and starts galloping towards you at full speed. This is not how things are supposed to go — I’m supposed to be the one chasing! Much simpler to deal with the script he’s familiar and prepared to deal with: Lion chase. This one has happened to me a lot, and it operates at such a primal, unconscious level that even I myself marvel at the speed and vehemence with which I lose interest when she starts chasing me more than I’m chasing her.

So if I’m interested in just a fling and she’s making Scarlett O’Hara eyes at me, then I don’t feel like it’s right for me to lead her on. That’s why the word chase is so often preceded by thrill of the.

Also, after you’ve pined for so long for a woman, any woman to like you, having one pop up who actually does can be a terrifying experience. Why should he be thrilled about your taking away his thrill?

But somehow, for some bizarre, primal reason, once they started chasing me I just couldn’t be interested anymore.

Keep in mind that there’s also a positive motive here.

There he was, showing up outside your castle window every day in his mostly shiny but frankly also a little rusty armor, strumming his lute and warbling his troubadour songs. Now, I don’t know exactly what was going on in your particular situation, Sheila, since I wasn’t there.

There he was at the opera house, his head low and eyes up giving him that simultaneously worshipful and conspiratorial look, passing you a note saying, “Meet me at the fountain when the clock tower strikes nine.” There he was, texting you right back when you texted him, even asking you out on actual grown-up dates to actual grown-up places like concerts and lectures, and then… However, I do know that I have been that man many, many times.

He actually likes you, but he finds your earnest Christian tendencies dampening his enthusiasm.

He senses that his enthusiasm for sex is far greater than yours, and knows this won’t play out well in the long run.

He senses that your enthusiasm for sex is far greater than his.

ANTIDOTE: Once again, more cluelessness than malice operating here. The antidote to this is the “one step forward, two steps back” protocol, as I describe it in The Tao of Dating, Ch. Sometimes you have to prime the pump to get things going again.

So you give him a call, send him a message, tease him a little, and make it playfully but clearly known that his company would be welcome: “So. A month into the relationship, she issued an ultimatum that, in retrospect, was such a marvel of simplicity and effectiveness that I’ve been teaching it to my female students ever since: “Listen, I think you’re really great, and we obviously have a great time together.

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