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The friend who would get pissed at you for disagreeing with them in public.The passive-aggressive friend who would make commitments and conveniently “forget” them when it suited her.It’s important to note: this isn’t exclusively a male or female problem.Both men and women are equally capable of having weak boundaries and low self-esteem…Of course, this is emotionally shredding and deeply damaging to the person who is letting this happen.At best, you have a codependent relationship – one partner needing constant control and validation while giving up any personal responsibility and the other trying to shoulder the entire burden of both parties as well as take blame for any faults as an exchange for having the relationship. well, you’re prey for users, manipulative assholes and emotional abusers.After the honeymoon period, where I was just astounded that I was having sex, our relationship became a matter of constant fighting, jealousy, guilt trips and having to justify myself on an almost daily basis.
I had gotten permission from my girlfriend at the time (warning sign #1) to go play in a Mage campaign with my friends.
This was significant because my ex hated RPGs – she thought they were the stupidest things ever and couldn’t imagine anyone she dated wanting to play them.
She also didn’t care for them because it meant I was spending time with my friends and not with her (warning sign #2) – but this time she relented and .
After all, if you were better, cooler, or more desirable, you’d be able to stand up for yourself.
When you don’t feel as though you have anything to offer and you’re desperate for someone to complete you, you will tend to shift your boundaries and sacrifice your values for someone else in the hopes that this will prompt them to like you. They rely on obligation and allow themselves to be used – as well as live in fear of conflict or disagreement – because they don’t feel that they can rely on their own value.